True freedom

Devotional from Dietrich Bonhoeffer:

Do not worry! Earthly goods deceive the human heart into believing that they give it security and freedom from worry. But in truth, they are what cause anxiety. The heart which clings to goods receives with them the choking burden of worry. Worry collects treasures, and treasures produce more worries. We desire to secure our lives with earthly goods; we want our worrying to make us worry-free, but the truth is the opposite. The chains which bind us to earthly goods, the clutches which hold the goods tight, are themselves worries.

Abuse of earthly goods consists of using them as a security for the next day. Worry is always directed toward tomorrow. But the goods are intended only for today in the strictest sense. It is our securing things for tomorrow which makes us so insecure today. It is enough that each day should have its own troubles. Only those who put tomorrow completely into God’s hand and receive fully today what they need for their lives are really secure. Receiving daily liberates me from tomorrow. (emphasis mine)

The beginning of a new year is quickly approaching. Many of us view “change” as the raison d’etre for the arbitrary date of January first. This devotional grabbed me and shouted through my soul to “pay attention!” I am sure anyone who knows me could quickly and easily list out numerous suggestions for possible changes. Some would be easy: exercise more, read or re-read the classics (if I’ll watch a movie multiple times, why not explore a book for at least a second time?), be more present for family, turn my phone off, …, ad nauseum. My self-flagellating nature would facilitate the creation of a list a long as me. But this list of “easy” items, while broad and encompassing myriad aspects of my life, all have one thing in common: physical attainability. Deciding to “do” something and following through is easy for me (well, all evidence to the contrary). It may require some will power, but I have little doubt that I could actually accomplish a task, or even choose to alter the way I behave. Mr. Bonhoeffer touched on something that is both a fundamental part of who I am and is exceptionally difficult. How does one decide to worry less?

One of the hardest places to exist (for me) is in the present. My past negative experiences are on constant replay in my mind. Recalling positive ones requires me to decide to remember them (if possible). The negative memories rap on my mind’s door, screaming for the attention they know I will provide. Any thoughts about the future are no less depressing. I can catastrophize anything about life. My concerns typically stem from seeing our world through a lens of scarcity. Will there be enough ______? The only time I can technically live in the present is when I am focused on a task (working, writing, reading). If I fix my mind onto an activity, I can mentally move into the present state of being engaged with that activity. Otherwise, those tenacious ghosts of past and future drown out the spirit of the present.

The bible covers “worry” more than any other topic (at least according to one source I read). Clearly, I am not the only person who struggles in this realm. I believe that the primary reason many of us battle this particular demon throughout life is because we have yet to truly believe in the core messages throughout the bible, including the gospel and Christ’s explanation of God’s nature. It sounds harsh (or at a minimum bold) to question a person’s belief in something so fundamental. But I have a hard time understanding any other explanation.

Worrying about the past must mean that I have not fully connected with Psalm 103:12:
“…as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.“

Worrying about the future betrays a lack of confidence in Matthew 6: 25 – 34:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?“

Clearly worries can extend far beyond past mistakes or future pecuniary possibilities, but the point is the same in all cases. Our Father in heaven has a plan for how everything plays out. Worrying about the results is “fighting a fight that’s already been won” (shout out to Mercy Me). And no amount of mental gnashing of teeth will have any impact on the end results (at least the results that really matter). Lord, help me turn my attention to your care and love. I don’t want to wait even the few days left in this year to start. Help me empty myself of worry. Help me fill myself with the assurances that come through connecting with you.